I met midnight knowing I'd been used,
but you had the decency
to let me sit until morning,
wallowing in the sweat of my insecurity,
so at dawn I
reeked of desperation.
And so thank you for throwing me
out before noon, and
without the standard runny eggs
and bloody bacon, since
I couldn't stand my stench,
nevermind pig's fat and
babies' brains.
And I'm sorry I'm still so bitter,
but I cracked a few ribs clattering to the
bottom of the barrel, and I so
loathe to see I am, again,
recyclable.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I rather enjoyed it, excellent imagery, you know it's a good read when your mind fills with an interesting movie.
I can't think of anything negative ponts, just keep writing.
hmm okay so i actually liked this one. it took me a few read-throughs to appreciate it, but now i think it's quite good. i especially like the last stanza. for some reason i just love the way it reads out loud, and im pretty much just sitting here reading it over and over to myself. the language in this poem was nice and blunt, not to mention descriptive, and i really enjoyed it.
sorry im being uber vague and not very helpful in terms of constructive criticism. i dont know what the heck to tell you to do better cause i like it just fine like this. good work.